Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Results of stress

Being handicapped is no easy thing. Most of the time its not so bad; nothing I can do about it anyway. I can usually take anything in stride, but when it all piles up its gotta go somewhere. My whole life people have done things for me, because I can't. They get things for me, they bathe me, they piss me, they put me on the can, they even brush my teeth and shave me. I'm ok with this because I understand that to live, I need to depend on others. Only for certain things though. Throughout my schooling, I've had aids to help me do the physical parts of attending school. The problem is, there's a fine line between doing the physical part of my work and doing all of it. That line was crossed way too many times and because of that, when I finally put a stop to it, I made it really hard for myself by stopping it right before I started college. Now, last semester I had it relatively easy; only taking one challenging course and one I could pass while getting head. I aced that one while getting a C in the other with minimal stress. The reason I think I got a C was because I'm not used to having to motivate myself to do things, since I always had someone else to tell me when to do it. That, and I think I have a problem with laziness, again stemming from having too much help as a kid. This semester I'm taking two challenging classes and after my first day, I'm scared shitless. I don't know if I'm up to the task physically or mentally. I just wish I knew.

1 comment:

Grasshopper said...

Hey dude, don't get to stressed. Most people have issues with motivation. Hell even I do. The best way to deal with the stress of not being motivated is finding something that motivates you.

While it is true that having people wade on you hand and foot has a negative impact on your will to do things on your own, it still comes down to your choices. Don't let yourself blame your lack of motivation on others. Instead figure out what it is that does motivate you, and use that to justify motivating your success in tough courses.

I hope I helped.